Someone says to you "Please?" instead of saying "Huh?"
One inch of snow on the ground will close the elementary and
high schools for a week, but UC will stay open during a
blizzard/ice storm.
You ask the waitress for a "three-way," and it's not a kinky
proposition.
What groundhog? It's the St. Patrick's Day parade leprechaun
that forecasts how much longer winter will last.
Losing football teams draw more fans than winning baseball
teams.
If people ask, "What school did you go to?" they mean which
high school, not college.
Indiana is about twenty miles away, but it takes about four
hours to get there.
It's too cold in the winter, and too hot and humid in the
summer, to ever stay outside for very long.
You drive to Columbus or Louisville to avoid the prices at
the Cincinnati airport.
City council members hold debates on whether or not they
should debate in the first place.
High school football gets fifteen minutes of airtime on the
11 o'clock news; the NBA and NHL? Zero.
Tourists still flock downtown to catch a glimpse of cast
members from WKRP, even though the show hasn't aired on
network television since 1984, and the show was filmed in L.A.
anyway.
You ask lifetime residents where the President Taft house is,
but they don't know either.
If you do something—anything—in public long enough,
sooner or later it will be banned.
Your low-fat diet is never low enough to exclude Graeter's
ice cream.
You order "goetta" (pronounced get-uh) and the
counterman actually knows what the hell you're talking
about.
You get through winter listening to Marty and Joe's
broadcasts from the grapefruit leagues.
Big Red Smokies are a ballpark treat, not cause to dial
9-1-1.
If necessary, the city could easily be sliced into two new
cities: East and West, and it would take twenty years for anyone
to notice something happened.
Chocolate and cinnamon, not peppers and beans, are in your
chili.
You can drive thirty minutes in any direction to hear a
different accent than your own.
You can accurately judge people's social status by which
Kroger's store they frequent.
You can go to any church festival in any neighborhood on any
weekend and see at least five people you either work with, went
to school with, or dated.
Even the slightest mention of former baseball commissioner A.
Bartlett Giamatti makes your blood boil and your ears steam.
If the temperature hits 45 degrees, and the sun comes out in
any month between November and April, people walk around downtown
wearing shades and no jackets.
The top stories on the local 6 o'clock evening news look
suspiciously like the articles you read in the newspaper that
very morning—and even use the same quotes.
