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Confucius-isms

Confucius say:

A state of pregnancy exists when a woman takes seriously something poked in fun.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
End of the day is near when small men make long shadows.
Farmer who wants his eggs must have cock and pullet.
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
He who eat many prunes sit on can for many moons.
He who farts in church sits in own pew.
He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.
He who kisses woman's ass get crack in jaw.
He who live in glass house, dress in basement!
He who live in stone house shouldn't throw glasses.
He who stand on toilet high on pot.
He who stands with hands in pockets feels foolish, but he who has holes in pockets feels nuts.
He who throw dirt is losing ground.
He who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
House without bathroom is uncanny.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on the hole woman have more.
Man is young when he snatches kisses, old when he kisses snatches.
Man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic.
Man who go to bed with hard problem wake up with solution in hand.
Man who lays prostitute puts stomach "on the bum".
Man who lays Woman on ground get "piece of earth".
Man who lays Woman on hill not on level.
Man who leap off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who lose key to woman's apartment get no new-key.
Man who plays with self pulls boner.
Man who puts rooster in ice box take out stiff cock.
Man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face.
Man who sit on stool smell like shit.
Man who snort coke get bubbles up nose.
Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things.
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Man with big mouth beware of foot.
Man with bitchy wife wake up with itchy trigger-finger.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
No difference between man and mouse - both end in pussy.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Sailor who get discharge from Navy leave buddies behind.
Seven-day honeymoon make hole weak.
Shallow woman like man with short temper.
Stenographer not permanent fixture till screwed on desk.
Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house.
Woman is like swing music, 3/4 jazz time, 1/4 rag time.
Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
Woman not bow-legged, just pleasure bent.
Woman who cooks carrots and pees in same pot unsanitary.
Woman who fly plane upside-down have crack up.
Woman who go to bachelor apartment for snack get tit-bit.
Woman who is wallflower at party, dandelion in bed.
Woman who lay on spring get off-spring.
Woman who marry detective must kiss dick.
Woman who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.
Woman who sleep with judge get honorable discharge.
Woman who wear jockstrap have make-believe ballroom.

Confucius-isms

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