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A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?"
"I was getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo? What kind of tattoo?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my penis."
"What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"
"Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow... Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money... And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"