Things You Will Never Hear a Man Say

  1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
  2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
  3. Her boobs are just too big.
  4. Sometimes I just want to be held.
  5. That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.
  6. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
  7. We haven't been to the mall for ages. Let's go shopping, and I can hold your purse.
  8. Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Ally McBeal.
  9. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
  10. Honey, I'm going to the store. Do you need more tampons?
  11. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.
  12. I'm sick of beer—Give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
  13. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again!
  14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her.
  15. No way! You weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
  16. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at them any more.
  17. I understand.
  18. This movie has too much nudity.
  19. Damn, we're late for church!
  20. No, I don't want to see your sister's boobs.
  21. Damn these onions; pass me a tissue.
  22. Put some panties on for gosh sake.
  23. Maybe I'd better pull over and get directions.

 

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