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She is not a babe or a chick - She is a breasted American.
She is not a screamer or moaner - She is vocally appreciative.
She is not easy - She is horizontally accessible.
She does not tease or flirt - She engages in artificial stimulation.
She is not dumb - She is a detour off the information superhighway.
She has not been around - She is a previously-enjoyed companion.
She does not give you wood - She causes temporary blood displacement.
She is not kinky - She is a creative caretaker.
She does not have a killer bod - She is terminally attractive.
She is not an airhead - She is reality-impaired.
She does not get drunk or tipsy - She gets chemically inconvenienced.
She is not horny - She is sexually focused.
She does not have fake boobs - She is medically enhanced.
She does not nag you - She becomes verbally repetitive.
She is not a slut - She is sexually extroverted.
She does not have major league hooters - She is pectorally superior.
She is not a two-bit whore - She is a low-cost provider.
He does not have a beer gut - He has developed a liquid grain storage facility.
He is not a bad dancer - He is overly Caucasian.
He does not get lost all the time - He investigates alternative destinations.
He is not balding - He is in follicle regression.
He is not a cradle-robber - He prefers generationally differential relationships.
He does not get falling-down drunk - He becomes accidentally horizontal.
He does not act like a total ass - He develops a case of rectal-cranial inversion.
He is not a sex machine - He is romantically automated.
He is not a male chauvanist pig - He has swine empathy.
He is not afraid of committment - He is monogamously challenged.
He does not undress you with his eyes - He has an introspective graphic moment.