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Raise Request
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
- I do physical labour
- I work at great depths
- I work head first
- I do not get RDO's, weekends off, or public holidays
- I work in a damp environment
- I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
- I work in high temperatures
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Response from the administration:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the
following reasons:
- You do not work eight hours straight
- You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
- You do not always follow the orders of the management
team
- You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit
other areas
- You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
- You do not take initiative—you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working
- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your
shift
- You don't always observe OSHA measures, such as wearing the
correct protective outfits
- You don't wait till pension age before retiring
- You don't like working double shifts
- You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have
completed the day's work
- And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and leaving the workplace carrying two
suspicious-looking bags
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