If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek

BRIDGE

Kirk:
Chekov, we're off to Cygnus Prime,
Lay in the course, warp factor nine!

Chekov:
The course is laid, is plotted, set,
But warp nine I cannot get.

Kirk:
You cannot get warp factor nine?
You must, you must, we're pushed for time!
Scotty, are our engines dead?

Scotty (intercom):
Aye, dead, defunct, alerts are red!
Forsooth! The engines canna take it!
I hate to say we willnae make it!

Kirk:
I can't believe what I am hearing,
From my chief of engineering!

Spock:
Captain, I have some suggestions.

Kirk:
But will it help us? That's the question.

Spock:
If the engines are cross-coupled,
The power input is quintupled.

Scotty:
But sir, the engines canna take it!
I say again, we willnae make it!

Uhura:
We're being hailed!

Kirk:
We're being hailed?

Uhura:
It seems Klingons are on our trail!

Kirk:
Uhura, there's no time for joking!

Spock:
A Klingon fighter is uncloaking!
It's not far from our starboard bow,
We must outrun them.

Kirk:
But how? But how?
Are our crystals exhausted?
How long, Spock, before we're dead?

Spock:
Our shields are down, our engines gone,
Our demise will not be long.
Captain, I will calculate,
The time until we meet our fate.
Despite our ship's tough construction,
Another blast spells sure destruction.
With no power we cannot flee.
There's ninety percent probability,
That disruptors or torpedoes,
Will destroy us from so close.

Kirk:
Uhura, open hailing frequencies.
Klingon vessel, talk to me!
Why are you firing? Tell me why?

Klingon voice:
Kirk, today is a good day to die!

Spock:
I will go to the engineering deck,
Depleted crystals? I will check.
If the dilithium is exhausted,
Vulcan logic will find what caused it.

Kirk:
The Klingons are cross, irate, mad,
They do not like us. It makes me sad.
Evasive maneuvers! Use impulse power!

Sulu:
But that will take us half an hour!

Chekov:
We're hit! We're hit! We've lost the shields!
Shall we surrender?

Kirk:
We will not yield!
The shields are down?

Chekov:
The shields are down!

Kirk:
Now, now, Chekov, do not frown.
The shields are down, the engines dead,
No impulse power, alerts are red.
Uhura, what's our status please?

Uhura:
All decks reporting injuries.

McCoy (intercom):
Captain, please come to sick bay.

Kirk:
Sulu, take the helm! Bones, on my way!

SICK BAY

McCoy:
Captain, this was Ensign Quinn,
My tricorder says that he's dead, Jim!
No respiration. He doesn't breathe,
No pulse, but Jim, can you believe,
His brain still functions, readouts show it,
It's life! It's life! But not as we know it!
Medically, he's not alive!

Spock (intercom):
Captain, I've cross-coupled the drives.
The warp engines are back on-line,
Tell Chekov, "Engage, factor nine!"

Kirk (to Chekov on intercom):
Chekov, get us out of here,
Warp engines are back on-line, I hear.

Chekov (intercom):
Yes captain! Factor nine engaged,
The Klingons are mad, cross, and enraged.

BRIDGE

Kirk:
Cygnus Prime, we're on our way!
Spock's Vulcan mind has saved the day!

Spock:
Technically that's incorrect,
The day was safe, not under threat.
I merely saved the Enterprise,
And several hundred human lives.

McCoy:
You're splitting hairs with Vulcan logic.

Spock:
Splitting hairs? Now that's illogic,
I have no need to sever keratin threads,
Nor the filaments that grow on heads.

 

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