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370 JCL:
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document
explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later,
your foot comes back deep-fried.
Access:
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all
your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Ada:
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently
load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the
foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your
foot is of the wrong type.
APL:
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out
how to do it in fewer characters.
Assembler:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must
first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
BASIC:
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
C:
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++:
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is
impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and
which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over
there."
COBOL:
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at
LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on
HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN
return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK
whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
Concurrent Euclid:
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
FORTH:
Foot in yourself shoot.
FORTRAN:
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of
toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out
of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself
anyways because you have no exception-handling capability.
HyperTalk:
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer
the result.
LISP:
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds
the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage
which holds...
Modula2:
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in
this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
Motif:
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory
handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the
trigger, the gun jams.
Paradox:
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can,
too.
Pascal:
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Prolog:
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit
it to explain it to you.
Revelation:
You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the
foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little
bullet-thingies are for.
SNOBOL:
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail,
shoot yourself in the right foot.
Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%
Visual Basic:
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the
foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't
care.
VMS:
$ MOUNT/DENSITY=.45/LABEL=BULLET/MESSAGE="BYE"
BULLET::BULLET$GUN SYS$BULLET
$ SET
GUN/LOAD/SAFETY=OFF/SIGHT=NONE/HAND=LEFT/CHAMBER=1/ACTION=AUTOMATIC/LOG/ALL/FULL
SYS$GUN_3$DUA3:[000000]GUN.GNU
$ SHOOT/LOG/AUTO SYS$GUN SYS$SYSTEM:[FOOT]FOOT.FOOT
%DCL-W-ACTIMAGE, error activating image GUN
-CLI-E-IMGNAME, image file $3$DUA240:[GUN]GUN.EXE;1
-IMGACT-F-NOTNATIVE, image is not an OpenVMS Alpha AXP
image
oh well, almost..