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Alabama: Like the Third World, but closer.
Arkansas: It's Trailer-rific!
Florida #1: Half a million Cubans can't all be wrong.
Florida #2: Hey, you kids, get off of my state!
Illinois: Stop pronouncing the "S" or we're gonna kick your ass!
Indiana: Dan Quayle's favorite country.
Iowa: Future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk.
Kentucky: Come for the Bluegrass—Stay for the Incest!
Massachusetts: Now with 30 percent fewer Kennedys!
Michigan: It's not just cold. It's ass-biting cold.
Rhode Island: Small? Yes, but we know what to do with it.
South Carolina: Oh, yeah, like "we're" going to be concerned about an NAACP tourism boycott.
South Dakota: Hello? Can anyone hear me? Hey! Over here!
Virginia: Contrary to our name, some of our women are actually pretty slutty.
Wisconsin: Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers.