The Many Varieties of Stupid

Amazingly Bad Analogy
Example: You can train a dog to fetch a stick. Therefore, you can train a potato to dance.
Faulty Cause and Effect
Example: On the basis of my observations, wearing huge pants makes you fat.
I Am the World
Example: I don't listen to country music. Therefore, country music is not popular.
Ignoring Everything Science Knows about the Brain
Example: People choose to be fat because they prefer the lifestyle.
The Few are the Same as the Whole
Example: Some Elbonians are animal rights activists. Some Elbonians wear fur coats. Therefore, Elbonians are hypocrites.
Generalizing from Self
Example: I'm a liar. Therefore I don't believe what you're saying.
Total Logical Disconnection
Example: I enjoy pasta because my house is made of bricks.
Argument by Bizarre Definition
Example: He's not a criminal. He just does things that are against the law.
Anything You Don't Understand is Easy to Do
Example: If you have the right tools, how hard can it be to generate nuclear fission at home?
Ignorance of Statistics
Example: I'm putting all of my money on the lottery this week because the jackpot is so big.
Ignoring the Downside Risk
Example: I know that bungee-jumping could kill me, but it's three seconds of pure fun!
Substituting Famous Quotes for Common Sense
Example: Remember, "all things come to those who wait," so don't bother looking for a job.
Irrelevant Comparisons
Example: $100 is a good price for a toaster, compared to buying a Ferrari.
Circular Reasoning
Example: I'm correct because I'm smarter than you, and I must be smarter than you because I'm correct.
Incompleteness as Proof of Fact
Example: Your theory of gravity doesn't address the question of why there are no unicorns, so it must be wrong.
Ignoring the Advice of Experts Without Good Reason
Example: Sure, the experts say you shouldn't ride a bicycle in the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory.
Following the Advice of Known Idiots
Example: If Uncle Horace says eating pork makes you smarter, then that's good enough for me.
Reaching Bizarre Conclusions Without any Information
Example: My car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns.
Faulty Pattern Recognition
Example: His last six wives were murdered mysteriously. I hope to be wife number seven.
Failure to Recognize What's Important
Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the Post Office and tell them to hold my mail!
Overapplication of Occam's Razor (which says the simplest explanation must be correct)
Example: The simplest explanation for the moon landings is that they were hoaxes.
Inability to Understand that Some Things Have Multiple Causes
Example: The Beatles were popular for one reason only: They were good singers.
Judging the Whole by One of Its Characteristics
Example: The sun causes sunburns. Therefore, the planet would be better off without the sun.
Blinding Flashes of the Obvious
Example: If everyone had more money, we could eliminate poverty.
Blaming the Tool
Example: I bought an encyclopedia, but I'm still stupid.
Taking Things to Their Illogical Conclusion
Example: If you let your barber cut your hair, the next thing you know, he'll be lopping your limbs off.
Proof by Lack of Evidence
Example: I've never seen you drunk, so you must be one of those Amish people.

 

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