When you search and search the Bible for the book of
"Austin."
If you can actually remember Sting's last public words before
his two-year silent period.
If on a job application, you state your residence as "Parts
Unknown."
When you're getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly
believe that with a little crowd support, you can turn this thing
around.
When you won't leave the bathroom until they play your theme
music.
If you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your
manager is distracting him.
When you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during
breakfast.
When a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle.
When you rack your neighbor’s dog.
When you attend a graduation, and yell "Ooooooh yeah!" when
Pomp and Circumstance plays.
When you are involved in a bar fight with a guy twice your
size and you think your best line of attack is putting the Tongan
Death Grip on him.
When you put up your wife or girlfriend up in a card game for
thirty days if you lose.
When you go to a dance and start dancing like Alex
Wright.
You watch car racing in order to see Bob "Sparky Plug"
Holly.
When you try to put your kids to bed with a sleeper
hold.
When you wear your Macho Man foam hat out in public.
When you win an award and immediately spray paint "nWo" on
it.
When you rate women on a scale of Chyna to Sunny.
When you begin to shake someone's hand in public but then
hesitate to look for the crowd's response.
When you get into a real fight and you blade yourself
When you do heel turns on your best friends for no
reason.
If whenever you walk into a party you tell them to "cut the
music."
When anytime anybody asks you a question, you "grab the mic"
and yell, "MEAN...WHOOO!...BY GOD!...GENE."
When you dye your moustache blonde while leaving your beard
black.
If you keep waiting for run-ins during boxing matches.
After an argument with a friend, you shake hands, hug each
other, and then after you raise both yours and your friend's arms
in the air, as he looks to the side, you clothesline him.
If you think John the Baptist bladed.
If you wonder why Bob Backlund's campaign for the Presidency
never got any press.
If you carry a foreign object in your underwear.
When you go into work you insult everyone you see just to
draw heat.
If you wore spiked shoulder pads during a football game.
If you lose a job, you change your look and name before
starting a new one.
When you are working for that other company, your old boss is
constantly bad-mouthing you to customers.
If you find out that you have been fired by calling up the
company's hotline.
If you purposely blade yourself while shaving.
If you suspect your best friend is just setting you up for a
heel turn.
When before a fight, you give away a pair of sunglasses to a
kid.
When you put your kids to bed, you tell them to "Rest In
Peace."
When you go to a funeral and assume that the deceased just
lost a casket match.
When your king-sized bed has ropes and turnbuckles
surrounding it.
If you walk into church and slap people's hands in the pews
while walking down the aisle.
If you paint your face and don't speak to your
co-workers.
If you get into an argument with a friend at work and
challenge him to a loser-must-retire match.
When you see a fight in the streets and call the moves.
At your office's Employee of the Year ceremony, you turn and
slam a chair across the recipient's head, then grab the mic and
start talking about how you deserved the award.
If you refer to all the women in your work area as your
valets.
If you insist that your professor grades you on your
marketability, the PPV buyrate, and the pop you get when you walk
into lecture.
When you keep talcum powder in your underpants "just in
case."
If you refer to The New York Times and The Wall
Street Journal as rag sheets.
If you wondered why Vince didn't borrow money from Ted
DiBiase to prevent WCW from "buying" its wrestlers.
Every time you write an exam, you tell the professor that
you're the highest ranking official, and if you don't get an A,
he's suspended.
You go through an airport security line and let them check
everything except your boots.
When you see a road accident you rush into the wreckage,
stand over the victim and start chanting "E-C-W! E-C-W!
E-C-W!"
You're girlfriend says your relationship is over and you
respond by piledriving her.
You see a window cleaner on a ladder and think of how you
could throw him off.
You have a friend in a bad mood with you and wonder if he's
turning heel.
You're at a bonfire night and start posing and dancing when
the fireworks go off.
You tell a child to do something and finish by saying, "And
that's the bottom line..."
You clean your teeth after a meal with a toothpick and then
throw it at the person opposite you.
You're at a party and start a competition to see who can
down a whole can of Bud Light.
